Saturday, 25 October 2014

I just want to make beautiful things, photograph said beautiful things in beautiful places, and for people to just to admire it. Is it too much to ask for?

Summer Project: Self Portrait.

Saturday, 11 October 2014

Heavy Procrastination

Deciding to take a break mid-way into my coursework-devoted-day, yet wondering how long my procrastination will continue to abuse my chilled approach to my course. Problem is, I wouldn't necessarily say I'm chilled - I'm stressed beyond belief even though things have been explained more than enough times for me to get my head round...Complicating things much? Those of you who know me know how I do!!

It doesn't really help that we have four modules running alongside each other - two of them are continuing through to the end of the year, but the others are due in at the end of January. Not really a big issue, might I add, but the two modules due in are research, exploration and designing modules, which is ridiculous because I don't feel like I'm saying what I want to. Hell, I was expecting to go through the same boring rhetoric as I had at A Levels, but this just isn't pushing people to the best of their abilities: it's diminishing and feels like once again we're being processed into a channeled affair.

I don't want to give up hope on Plymouth. I'm already thanking myself for heading down to the South West purely for the joys of realizing I don't  want to have to adhere to the world's 'problems'. I want to be selfish with what I do. Not to say I'm against the idea of going where they feel everyone will be successful. I'd quite gladly take the opportunity to better myself. I'm just saying that I don't think, that with the concept I would like to bring to mainstream, I'd be accepted widely within the industry; yet equally don't want mainstream to trash or overuse the beauty I feel that the world in my head possesses.

So what to do?

Return to my coursework will be a start!

Maddening Wishes xxx

Monday, 6 October 2014

Devoted Contradictions

Tell me to shut up. Be quiet. To stop being annoying. A self confessed contradictor to the max and realising it to the max when I pour over fashion magazines. Let's face it, I love mainstream just as much as the next person. I have, in a way, thought about the processes in why I am like this - perhaps just an overload and total awe in such an array of trends, paths and fabrications.

Do I love it so much that I turned to hate it, or is it that I hate it so much that I secretly love it? Too mad, in my opinion! I'm setting myself a challenge: instead of rejecting these things I 'hate', I'm going to embrace them with open arms. Let's wipe the slate clean and start afresh with good intentions. Go with the flow. Because the more I keep complaining and moaning and groaning about everything the more I'm not really going to end up doing what I want to do (no, I'm not telling you what I want to do, just yet!).

So, first thing's first:

1. Embrace all trends.

For some reason I have 'hated' these trends for so long - but what is ridiculous is that I have been object of these trends... I embraced them when I was younger, and in fact was one of the reasons (along with Megan Nicolay's Generation T) why I decided to study Fashion at degree level.  Sometimes, I care far too much what people think. I looked to deeply into things that I'm starting to sound bored of my own opinions. Sucks, eh?   

2. I have loathed drum/base/dance/techno/electronic music since day 1. But until recent months, my eyes have been opened and it just all makes much more sense. I want to thank my younger brother, founder and creator of Zekond Music, who has completely changed my perspective of things. 
Although I still favour Folk and World artists, I have to say my tastes are changing, and the whole concept of this type of music just allows you to forget everything. You get caught up in the moment of things. I love it.

Finding my inner peace?

Maddening Wishes xxx

Saturday, 4 October 2014

Wasted Wanderings

It's not until you return to education that you really appreciate how much fun being lazy is. It's practically been a year since my last blog post, (I know, I know; I've let things slip for ages...), and I've finally started my new journey to changing my whole life. Well, sort of.

Why sort of? Because it's not really a change but more of what I feel is a step in a backwards direction. I'm back in education. I'm back to procrastinating. I'm back to feeling trapped and having to adhere to certain directions (even though we've been told we have freedom within our grasp). In a way, I'm still stuck in my angered mindset because I'm fed up of trying to make people happy all the time. It is draining.

"I want to be free to do what I want, be what I want any old time, and to be free to be who I choose."

Is that too much to ask for?

But then again I suppose freedom comes at a cost according to the power-induced leaders of the world. Sometimes, in order to make ourselves free, our minds need to be so free that our very existence is an act of rebellion. 

Yes, but this is my own choice - I was not forced into choosing this. But you know what annoys me so much more? How it feels like being a rebellion doesn't count. It feels like it has to be mainstream, or nothing. A channelled rebel. Shaped to not upset the rest of society. And that, my fellow followers, is why I feel like the world is against me: because I don't fit into a certain criteria, because I'm quiet, and most annoyingly, because they allow me to contradict myself to a 'T'. 

ramble away,
maddening wishes xxx